Imperfection Rejection

Well nobody is perfect, not even the seemingly perfect man. At least this time I can say "I knew it" - not that it makes the situation any better though. It's been a rollercoaster type of "relationship." I wanted to take things easy, allow myself to develop deeper feelings for this guy, not overanalyze everything from the beginning, take things one step at a time. But as life wills, the gears got kicked into overdrive. The shit hit the fan and the drama revealed our (or his) true selves.

Mr. seemingly perfect turns out to be the jealous and emotionally needy kind. Of course he still has a ton of enormously great qualities, but when he started dictating who I should and should not see, he kind of lost me right then and there. He most certainly has some insecurities to work through, realize that not every relationship is an exact mirror image of his mother and father's relationship, and learn to trust.

Self confidence can be extremely sexy, and that being said, insecurity...not so sexy.

I am feeling smothered. He wants to spend every waking (and snoozing) minute with me, while I am gasping for air and dreaming of quiet time spent alone. Yet when I take days to myself, I feel like I constantly need to check in with him, because if I don't answer a text or phone call for three hours, I'm suddenly "fucking up his world with the lack in communication." Seriously, give me a breather. Unlike most people nowadays, I am not entirely hooked on my phone, and I don't check it every 2 seconds for missed phone calls and text messages.

The reality of the situation is that I am obviously not as much into him as he is into me. Sigh. I completely remember being head over heals in love with a person and wanting to be with them all day every day. That's where he's at. Me? I'm still trying to figure myself out, finally got comfortable being on my own again, and wanted a casual fun relationship for the time being. Something not so serious. Definitely not someone I need to report to every waking moment.

So now I need to figure out how to break the news to Mr. not so perfect that "this just isn't for me." Breaking someone's heart is so very difficult, especially for me, who always feels the urge to please everyone else and put myself second. But this is the year of putting myself first, so be strong, be strong, follow your heart.