The Beginning

I always wanted to write a book. But maybe a blog is a good place to start. The burning question is what to write about. Ramblings of the cluttered mind. But who really cares about such? I suppose I will find out.

I'm in the process of reestablishing balance in my life. I seemed on a high roll for a while - everything was working out in my favor. It was like a new path unfolding in front of me. I could see it, I could reach it. I felt good about it, I was positive, I was sure.

One step at a time, they say. Step one: speaking your mind and setting new goals. Check. Step two: finding a new place to live. Um, somewhat problematic. I've had my heart broken by 2.5 landlords in just a week. It's not exactly easy to uproot your life and decide to move out and start over. And it's definitely like a slap in the face when you think you've found your new place, you get excited about it as best as you can, but then you find out that said landlord #1 was probably drunk when he told you he'd work within your budget, because he suddenly can't remember saying such, and landlord #.5 was full of shit when he told you you had first pick just to find out that he gave it to the person looking at the place right after you and landlord #3 won't allow you to have your cat even though you had been told that cats should not be a problem by the current tenant.

I feel like I've reached a dead end before even getting started. This is frustration in its purest form. Suddenly you find yourself in front of an enormous wall and it's definitely casting a shadow on your happy-go-lucky attitude about the whole moving-on and starting over process. And you start to question your decision. Is it not meant to be? Why is this not working out in my favor, if this is what I should be doing? Why is this so hard?

It's challenging to stay focused when things don't seem to work out in your favor. It's most definitely much easier to give up. But giving up isn't really an option anymore. So I try to focus on the positive again: Well, living here will help me save a bit more money. It will be warmer to move next month. I'll get to see my doggie every day for a little bit longer. At least I have a job. At least I currently have a place to live.

But it's hard to stay positive and to always see the positive. It's hard to be strong.