A Sigur Rós kind of day

The problem with not minding your own business is stumbling across things you weren't meant to know. And it's making me think. It shouldn't make a difference, I tell myself, because I've already made up my mind. But it's like a glimpse through a key hole at another path you could have taken - but you opted not to open that door out of fear of what you might find behind it. Not that the other door/path I chose is particularly easy or comforting either...can't say I'm taking the easy way out here.

For so long I've had this specific idea of what I wanted my life to be like. And I was determined to put up with a lot of hurdles along the way to make that happen. Until I realized one day that my life was not turning out the way I imagined and all I was doing was compromising myself. Too proud to admit for a long time that I was losing a battle and too afraid to start over alone. It took a lot of pep talks from good friends and exploring unknown territory for tastes of a different life to finally build up the courage to choose door #2 and stick to it.

But the truth is I had to abandon a dream I grew to love. And looking back is painful. It feels like failing, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I gave it all I had trying to turn my dream into reality. Maybe the lesson I'm supposed to learn here is to not dream up a life involving someone else's participation and cooperation. But how lonely is that?